For all the Villains in the House

I bought this book several years ago at one of those crazy card/Jesus action figure shops in Portland, OR. But you can get your very own copy at Amazon.com.
It is a very funny, slightly demented read. Well worth an hour of your time.
There are tips for Home Design, Health, Work, Social Life and Travel all from the point of view of a Villain. There is even a quiz at the beginning called, "Are You Satisfied with Your Evil Existence." And I know at least one of you is already a villain or seriously considering the dark side.
That brings me to my current situation. It is no secret that I am unhappy in my current job. And it often feels like I am a villain, taking money from little old ladies and all. But how does one look for another job when the last 5 years have spent perfecting my villainous ways?
Do not fear...the book has a section that tells you how to take your villain experiences and translate them for your resume:
"Resume Builders:

Experience----Becomes
Planning a bank heist----Project management skills
Raising an army of the dead----Knowledgeable in training co-workers
Destroying the world----Highly skilled in downsizing
Escaping from jail----Ability to dispense with unwanted situations
Blocking out the sun----Deflected illumination on company practices
Poisoning the king---- Assisted in transition of former management
Selling your soul----Strong financial sense"

The last one is a personal favorite. And of course after the resumes have gone out there are the interviews. So taken from the "Top Ten Interview Questions and How to Respond" are some of my favorites:
" Why do you want to work here? Be honest: Tell them "money, power, and the chance to crush my enemies." They'll like that.
What are your strengths? You undoubtedly have several, so start with your genius, move on to your physical prowess, and end with your ability to make people's heads explode.
What are your weaknesses? "I'm a workaholic" is always a safe response. Make sure you don't mention your fatal flaw, be it the holy cross or Rice Krispies. They'll just use it against you later.
What do you think you could bring to this job? Sometimes cliches don't work. Rather than saying, "Solid work ethics and a willingness to get a job done!" try "Death, destruction, and lots of pointy weapons." "

Maybe being a villain isn't so bad after all...

(All quotes came from "A Villain's Guide to Better Living" by Neil Zawacki with illustrations by Bill Brown both copyrighted in 2004.)